The Gift of Depression

*cue dramatic music* 'The Blues' - Switchfoot 

   If someone would've came up to me at my 11th birthday party and handed me a free lifetime subscription to Daily Depression, I would have punched them square in the jaw. Because it takes a horrible person to allow an 11-year-old to become depressed, right...? Wrong. I know this is crazy, but I believe that God has allowed me this 'gift.' By allowed, I mean that, while the depression itself is not of God, He has allowed this struggle to be in my life. Yes, it drives me nuts, it makes me ache from the innermost parts of my soul, and, to be honest, it makes me completely miserable at times. Now, if you're thinking 'God wouldn't do that, God is only good,' I encourage you to realize that, just because my/your circumstances aren't that good, it doesn't mean that God is not good. With God on our side, we will eventually be 'fine,' but it will take some time (I'm so sorry all of that had to rhyme, I didn't plan on it :P).

      So, why do I believe that my struggles are a gift? To answer this, I like to think of Job and Paul. In the book of Job, God allows Satan to torture Job and give him everything but death itself. Did you catch that? God allowed Satan to torture Job. God allowed Job to struggle so his faith would be tested. Through testing his faith, God taught Job that all he really ever needed was Him. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-9, Paul says: "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'" (NIV). These stories and passages make me wonder: when I struggle, is God testing me, teaching me, humbling me, or bringing me closer? I truly believe that God is using my struggles to do all four, which is why I believe that my struggle with depression is a gift. Besides being tested, taught, humbled, and brought closer, I have gained a better understanding of the people around me and, because of my past, I can relate to and help people that I may have never been able to reach before.

      Don't get me wrong; believing that the 'thorn in my flesh' is a gift does not make the struggle any easier. There are times when I feel like throwing in the towel and binge eating Kraft mac n' cheese, all while laying down. Yes, I do mean while laying down. Sitting up would mean that I cared about whether or not I choked on my grief n' cheese and, on certain days, I honestly wouldn't. Sometimes, I feel as if the weight of sadness from four-thousand ASPCA commercials is weighing on my shoulders and I can't escape. On those days, I doubt God. I doubt that my struggle will bring something beautiful. I doubt that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But I have to remember that trusting God doesn't mean that everything will always be okay; it doesn't mean that every bad circumstance will be immediately taken out of our lives if we call on God, because it is all in His timing.  In those situations, we may not need to pray for a change of circumstance, but a change of    heart.

      If we dwell too much on getting out of our situation, we might just miss the lesson within it. If we allow our pain to defeat us, we might be allowing our pain to defeat our potential. We were not made to be down, depressed, oppressed, anxious, hurt, bitter, angry, etc., but we can most definitely learn something from all of these emotions. God has a purpose for your pain. You may not know what it is, but it's there; I promise. Between now and healing, what is God trying to teach you? I asked myself this, and I have found that God is teaching me that I am strong, not because I am stubborn and come from two generations of redheads, but because all things are possible through His strength that dwells within me. You, too, are strong through Him. As God said to Paul, His strength is perfected through our weakness (on a semi-related note, 'Perfect' by Flyleaf is a wonderful reminder of this, but 'The Blues' better set the tone for this post), meaning that God's strength is far beyond perfect because we are weaker than heck. Brokenness isn't permanent, but God's strength and love are.
      Welp, that's all I have for y'all today. I hope you remember: whoever you are, both God and I love you very much and only want what is best for you. Lastly, tell me in the comments (only if you feel like it; no pressure) what are your struggles? What is God teaching you? How are you being humbled/taught/tested/ or brought closer? Do you like '20 Questions'? That last one is not an actual question, but I felt that it was necessary. Anyway, stay awesome, possums!  

P.S. After talking about depression, I feel like we could all use a puppy picture.